People keep asking me if I am ready for school to start and the answer has always been no but as I listen to the girls fight in the next room I can officially say I AM READY!
They are ready as well and are excited to find out who their teachers are be with their friends and away from each.
My mom came in from Colorado and has been here almost a week which has been really nice. She has gotten to spend lots of quality time with us and help in any way that she can.
This is my week off from chemo and feeling pretty good. I have been tapering off of my steroids and can feel a difference in how I feel. My breathing is more labored and my cough is coming back. Plus the steroids were what gave me some energy and can feel that depleting as well. But still my day is still doable and that is all I can ask for. A note to some of you if you see my sneak out of a large crowd or gathering. My senses are very sensitive I guess from the chemo. I cannot handle loud noises. It over sensitizes me big time, strange I know but just letting you know. So at church or at a restaurant if you see me sneaking out the door that is why.
Once again we have been amazed at your outpouring of love and devotion to our family. There have been lots of you making donations to a fund that was set up for us so that I could seek out some alternative therapies that can be expensive and not covered by our insurance. Thank you so much, because of you I am able to do just that. We are blessed with great insurance and prescription plan and we are able to keep up with our bills among all the craziness. Until we find out what the results of mt CT scan is next week, we are kind of in a holding pattern on what our next decisions will be. Whether we seek other options elsewhere or better yet that the cancer is diminishing or even better that it is GONE!
Keep up with the prayers. Have a great week.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Hanging On To Summer
August is here which means we are on the countdown until school starts. I really am not ready to get back into that dreaded routine and let go of the lazy days of summer. Especially not looking forward to getting up before 9:00am.
Wednesday will be the end of the third cycle of my chemo. There is no plan on how many i will do ( I guess how ever many it takes). We will do scans on the 26th to see if this is working. I know you are all praying for me but maybe a few extra rosaries for me on that day would be appreciated. My CT scan is at 8:00am. My blood counts (red and white) have been high the past few weeks which i thought was good. Usually low blood counts are bad and leave you susceptible to all kinds of stuff but the doc says that high ones indicate that I am dehydrated so last week and here on out i will get a bag of fluid hung. I drink water all day and really don't feel it but when I went to press a towel on my leg and the indention stayed a while led me to believe perhaps there was some truth to the matter. I am doing well. Staying upright and still doing what i can. My cough has gotten much better but still have trouble catching a breath here and there. and tend to get around at a much slower pace. You may have noticed that my hair is growing back in YEAH! Apparently you don't lose hair with this chemo which is so nice because with this heat the wigs would stay in the closet.
I met with my ENT last week about my voice. My right vocal cord has begun to bow out due to my depletion of muscle mass and usage. Go figure! so next month we will go in and really take a look around and get to the bottom of this I hope. God has added to my lack of talking by the side affects of the chemo which is mouth sores. Last night the inside layer on the right side of my mouth just completely peeled off. Lovely I know. Actually today it feels much better but still hard to eat certain foods. Many of you who have seen me notice that I have lost some weight which I have. Some of it is due to my lack of appetite and nausea but some of it has to do also with my change in diet. I have been juicing lots of greens and beets and doing some protein shakes and other changes. Can't seem to shake the ice cream craving though. With the money you have all raised for us I have started doing colonics which is as much fun as it sounds but it is a way to get rid of all the toxins and help my body absorb the good food and juicing that I am doing. I am also seeing a natural wellness provider who can analyze my blood and tell me what vitamins I am lacking, what foods to eat and avoid and supplements I need to fight the cancer. I meet with him next week and am really excited to see what he says. Thanks to all of you who have shared your research and ideas to me to get me well and cure this crap.
I wish I could come up with a better way to say thank you because it seems like that is all I say but really want you to know how we truly feel by all of this. You humble us and spoil us and love us so much that we just want to squeeze each one of you and let you know how truly we love you. Hal and i have learned so much from all of you that we try to incorporate a way in which we can help a family or person in need in even the smallest of ways. The girls have seen all of you do so much for us and I know your kids have also witnessed the beauty in serving others.
Huge love and praises to all of you who worked so hard on the drive thru BBQ especially Mark and Erin who hosted their home as the setup and delivery station and to all the behind the scenes angels and of course those who enjoyed the awesome food. Another huge hug and squeeze to Amy Loehr who made all of the awesome cupcakes for the cause. I was blown away by the amount of cupcakes she put out over the last month.
I leave you with today's scripture reading.. 2 COR 9:6-10
Brothers and sisters:Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly,and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.Each must do as already determined, without sadness or compulsion,for God loves a cheerful giver.Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you,so that in all things, always having all you need,you may have an abundance for every good work.As it is written:
He scatters abroad, he gives to the poor;his righteousness endures forever.
The one who supplies seed to the sower and bread for foodwill supply and multiply your seed and increase the harvest of your righteousness.
May you all reap bountifully for all that you have done for us! Have a great week.
Wednesday will be the end of the third cycle of my chemo. There is no plan on how many i will do ( I guess how ever many it takes). We will do scans on the 26th to see if this is working. I know you are all praying for me but maybe a few extra rosaries for me on that day would be appreciated. My CT scan is at 8:00am. My blood counts (red and white) have been high the past few weeks which i thought was good. Usually low blood counts are bad and leave you susceptible to all kinds of stuff but the doc says that high ones indicate that I am dehydrated so last week and here on out i will get a bag of fluid hung. I drink water all day and really don't feel it but when I went to press a towel on my leg and the indention stayed a while led me to believe perhaps there was some truth to the matter. I am doing well. Staying upright and still doing what i can. My cough has gotten much better but still have trouble catching a breath here and there. and tend to get around at a much slower pace. You may have noticed that my hair is growing back in YEAH! Apparently you don't lose hair with this chemo which is so nice because with this heat the wigs would stay in the closet.
I met with my ENT last week about my voice. My right vocal cord has begun to bow out due to my depletion of muscle mass and usage. Go figure! so next month we will go in and really take a look around and get to the bottom of this I hope. God has added to my lack of talking by the side affects of the chemo which is mouth sores. Last night the inside layer on the right side of my mouth just completely peeled off. Lovely I know. Actually today it feels much better but still hard to eat certain foods. Many of you who have seen me notice that I have lost some weight which I have. Some of it is due to my lack of appetite and nausea but some of it has to do also with my change in diet. I have been juicing lots of greens and beets and doing some protein shakes and other changes. Can't seem to shake the ice cream craving though. With the money you have all raised for us I have started doing colonics which is as much fun as it sounds but it is a way to get rid of all the toxins and help my body absorb the good food and juicing that I am doing. I am also seeing a natural wellness provider who can analyze my blood and tell me what vitamins I am lacking, what foods to eat and avoid and supplements I need to fight the cancer. I meet with him next week and am really excited to see what he says. Thanks to all of you who have shared your research and ideas to me to get me well and cure this crap.
I wish I could come up with a better way to say thank you because it seems like that is all I say but really want you to know how we truly feel by all of this. You humble us and spoil us and love us so much that we just want to squeeze each one of you and let you know how truly we love you. Hal and i have learned so much from all of you that we try to incorporate a way in which we can help a family or person in need in even the smallest of ways. The girls have seen all of you do so much for us and I know your kids have also witnessed the beauty in serving others.
Huge love and praises to all of you who worked so hard on the drive thru BBQ especially Mark and Erin who hosted their home as the setup and delivery station and to all the behind the scenes angels and of course those who enjoyed the awesome food. Another huge hug and squeeze to Amy Loehr who made all of the awesome cupcakes for the cause. I was blown away by the amount of cupcakes she put out over the last month.
I leave you with today's scripture reading.. 2 COR 9:6-10
Brothers and sisters:Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly,and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.Each must do as already determined, without sadness or compulsion,for God loves a cheerful giver.Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you,so that in all things, always having all you need,you may have an abundance for every good work.As it is written:
He scatters abroad, he gives to the poor;his righteousness endures forever.
The one who supplies seed to the sower and bread for foodwill supply and multiply your seed and increase the harvest of your righteousness.
May you all reap bountifully for all that you have done for us! Have a great week.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
God Is Kind And Merciful
My days continue to be filled with strength and energy. I had chemo last Wednesday and was at the Zoo on Thursday. Friday and Saturday I could feel a bit of slow down but able to still keep on my feet and enjoy this beautiful weather we have been having. Each morning i get up I about cry thanking God for this day and every day there after. I know that it is his loving mercy that is bringing me this zest. Also to do with this is of course is your loving prayers, countless selfless acts of mercy like selling cupcakes and salsa, asking the local nail place to contribute proceeds to our family, setting up a trust to help pay for our medical bills, taking me to Mi Ranchito and getting me caught up on your lives, clipping thorns off our trees, hanging prayer flags in our back yard, and getting me to let go of items that remind me of my brokenness and replacing them with a big fat bunny that reminds me that I am full of life and hope. (Debbie and Nancy you get that one) My friends and faith community have shown me their faith by carrying me along the way. I can't help but think of the Gospel reading where four men carried a paralytic up to the roof and dropped him into the place where Jesus was. They had such faith in Jesus to heal him. You too have faith and it emits throughout our community and to many many other people else where. I feel as though it is my responsibility to speak out about what i have learned in my journey, and that is to show people to Christ. I know to lots of you I got a rolling of the eyes and that is okay. I used to do the same. Ask him to come into your heart and he will be right there beaming at you asking "what took you so long? Let's talk".
All of these things just show us how God is truly present in all of us. As Hal said this morning...
"Sometimes He can be such a show off!" Thank you all of you. We love you so very much and just can't say it enough.
As I said, I had chemo last Wednesday and then again tomorrow with the following week off. My doctor had little to say except my liver enzyme counts were down which is good and that we would keep up with this plan for a while and that I was looking so much better. She doesn't want to see me for another three weeks which is a huge deal because I think I have seen her every week for the past seven months. That to me is progress. I see the ENT the first of August as my voice has still not come back form the vocal cord surgery. Supposedly it was not as easy as just fixing it, the chemo along with the cancer in the bronchi is also irritating something and we now have to look deeper and work harder at bringing my voice back. It has been really annoying as no one can hear me and repeating myself just puts added stress on my voice so most of the time I say not everything that needs to be said which is probably a good thing.
Next week the family is headed to Grand Lake in Oklahoma. Our friends the Martens have lent us their timeshare there for a few days. No plans but togetherness, swimming and more togetherness. I really cannot tell you how enough how grateful and good I feel. The past seven months have been grueling and to the point that I thought that this was the way it was going to be from here on out. Many a days would I sit and beg for God's mercy if I could just enjoy my life that I have left, how it would be full of his goodness and beauty. He has blessed me with just that and I don't care if this cancer has spread throughout my body, I have been given my life back, perhaps for just a little while, that doesn't matter. I intend to live and give and to love. I intend to become the person he created me to be. I intend to be a better christian, wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. My illness along with my faith has led me to see things in relation to God's plan for my salvation and the salvation of others.
Prove me, O Lord, and try me;
test my heart and mind.
For your steadfast love
is before my eyes
and I walk in faithfulness to you
PSALM 26:2-3
All of these things just show us how God is truly present in all of us. As Hal said this morning...
"Sometimes He can be such a show off!" Thank you all of you. We love you so very much and just can't say it enough.
As I said, I had chemo last Wednesday and then again tomorrow with the following week off. My doctor had little to say except my liver enzyme counts were down which is good and that we would keep up with this plan for a while and that I was looking so much better. She doesn't want to see me for another three weeks which is a huge deal because I think I have seen her every week for the past seven months. That to me is progress. I see the ENT the first of August as my voice has still not come back form the vocal cord surgery. Supposedly it was not as easy as just fixing it, the chemo along with the cancer in the bronchi is also irritating something and we now have to look deeper and work harder at bringing my voice back. It has been really annoying as no one can hear me and repeating myself just puts added stress on my voice so most of the time I say not everything that needs to be said which is probably a good thing.
Next week the family is headed to Grand Lake in Oklahoma. Our friends the Martens have lent us their timeshare there for a few days. No plans but togetherness, swimming and more togetherness. I really cannot tell you how enough how grateful and good I feel. The past seven months have been grueling and to the point that I thought that this was the way it was going to be from here on out. Many a days would I sit and beg for God's mercy if I could just enjoy my life that I have left, how it would be full of his goodness and beauty. He has blessed me with just that and I don't care if this cancer has spread throughout my body, I have been given my life back, perhaps for just a little while, that doesn't matter. I intend to live and give and to love. I intend to become the person he created me to be. I intend to be a better christian, wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. My illness along with my faith has led me to see things in relation to God's plan for my salvation and the salvation of others.
Prove me, O Lord, and try me;
test my heart and mind.
For your steadfast love
is before my eyes
and I walk in faithfulness to you
PSALM 26:2-3
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Better Days
I decided to post a few older pictures of the family. The second picture was taken by my good friend Kathy Minor at minorimages.com (check out her website). It was taken just a few weeks after we got the diagnosis. I was beaming because I was with my favorite people on a beautiful fall day and with them by my side I could do anything.
Every day is a bit better it seems. The last two rounds of chemo did not leave me on the couch nor in bed. As a matter of fact I have felt really good and even able to keep up with the girls and everything they want to do. We even got away for a couple of days to our friend's lake house and so enjoyed time together. It was a time where we felt the true presesence of Jesus, surrounded by love and pure joy. This is really exciting and such a prayer answered as I was almost to the point of this is just how it is going to be from here on. So thank you for praying for me and my needs. I am off this week from any doctor appointments yippee! My echo of my heart showed that I had full pumping ability and my blood pressure is totally stable off of all the BP meds so they freed me from their care. One less doctor for me!
I assume I will be on this chemo for some time and will have more scans in a month or so to see if things are shrinking. We feel very positive about this treatment and know that this is what will diminish the cancer and get me to the point where we can treat it as any other chronic disease. Thank you all for sending me info on beating this cancer. I am sorting through it all and starting some alternative treatments. Slowly I am incorporarting a new eating style and will start seeing a professional who can tell me what nutrients my body is lacking and what foods I should stay away from.
THe girls are great. Gracie is off on her second adventure to Minnesota. She took off with Aunt Susie yesterday and is having a great time seeing Minneapolis this time and spending time with her cousin Isabella. Zoe starts her first camping adventure with her brownie troop today. She will spend the next four days there but come home in the evenings. She's super excited!
Thank you Nancy for sending me some clothes for the webkinz!
Continue to pray for us! We love you.
Every day is a bit better it seems. The last two rounds of chemo did not leave me on the couch nor in bed. As a matter of fact I have felt really good and even able to keep up with the girls and everything they want to do. We even got away for a couple of days to our friend's lake house and so enjoyed time together. It was a time where we felt the true presesence of Jesus, surrounded by love and pure joy. This is really exciting and such a prayer answered as I was almost to the point of this is just how it is going to be from here on. So thank you for praying for me and my needs. I am off this week from any doctor appointments yippee! My echo of my heart showed that I had full pumping ability and my blood pressure is totally stable off of all the BP meds so they freed me from their care. One less doctor for me!
I assume I will be on this chemo for some time and will have more scans in a month or so to see if things are shrinking. We feel very positive about this treatment and know that this is what will diminish the cancer and get me to the point where we can treat it as any other chronic disease. Thank you all for sending me info on beating this cancer. I am sorting through it all and starting some alternative treatments. Slowly I am incorporarting a new eating style and will start seeing a professional who can tell me what nutrients my body is lacking and what foods I should stay away from.
THe girls are great. Gracie is off on her second adventure to Minnesota. She took off with Aunt Susie yesterday and is having a great time seeing Minneapolis this time and spending time with her cousin Isabella. Zoe starts her first camping adventure with her brownie troop today. She will spend the next four days there but come home in the evenings. She's super excited!
Thank you Nancy for sending me some clothes for the webkinz!
Continue to pray for us! We love you.
Friday, June 26, 2009
I'll Just Lay Here Another Minute
Since my last post things have changed yet again. Another CT scan has shown more progression in my liver and now in the bronchi of my chest. New plan of attack is back to IV chemo and lots of it. This all started this past Wednesday and I will have chemo again next Wednesday and then the following week off. We are all pretty numb but back on the path of let's get it done and get on with it. I know in my last blog I sounded like I was giving up and wanted to crawl in a hole, well I did but that's not going to do us any good so whatever it takes, I will take it on. The picture to the right sums up how I feel these days. Like I could get up at any time but I prefer to lay here a bit longer. Thanks Gracie for letting me play with your webkinz!
My health has not been good as I have had a lot of pain from the coughing and lots of nausea from all the meds I take. It has been hard to get out of bed most mornings but I do and the day always gives me another reason to beat this. God graced me with the gift of faith which I admit has been shaken and stirred lately. But I have also been graced with a chance to see life from a different window, almost watching and observing instead of fully participating. Most times I find it to be annoying because I like to be in the middle of things, always knowing what's going on, but this is a way for me to also get through my suffering. Instead of constantly being in it right here right now, I must find a way to look through it and beyond it.
Okay, now on to the important stuff..... summer. Could it be any hotter? Not even a stinking breeze here in KC. The girls had a brief visit with Hal's parents. They both drove off to Minnesota for what was supposed to be a week but ended up to be four days. This was Zoe's first time and we were really surprised and very proud that she even got in the car. Ahh, the memories that form in us at that age....... they were very busy and had some really great experiences. Thanks Hardy and Judith, your the best.
Not much for plans for us, pretty much a day to day thing around here. Perhaps we'll get the energy to plan a small trip close to home or perhaps just set up camp in the backyard. Another advantage to living life as it comes, because sometime it comes at you fast!
Big love to housecleaning fairies who arrive on my doorstep with their swifters in one hand and tidy bowl in the other. I love it when you just zip in and take care of business and most of all to see your lovely faces. Thank you your beautiful! And the meals are incredible and so needed and devoured, thank you a hundred times over and then again. I know we say it all the time but you guys rock and impress the heck out of us. I know everyone wants to know what they can do. Believe me you are doing it. I feel your love and prayers and I cherish them. Don't hesitate to call. I won't pick up the phone if I am not feeling up to it. And please don't just pray for me and my family. Remember all of those around you whom you haven't got a clue as to what they are going through. They just don't blog about it.
My health has not been good as I have had a lot of pain from the coughing and lots of nausea from all the meds I take. It has been hard to get out of bed most mornings but I do and the day always gives me another reason to beat this. God graced me with the gift of faith which I admit has been shaken and stirred lately. But I have also been graced with a chance to see life from a different window, almost watching and observing instead of fully participating. Most times I find it to be annoying because I like to be in the middle of things, always knowing what's going on, but this is a way for me to also get through my suffering. Instead of constantly being in it right here right now, I must find a way to look through it and beyond it.
Okay, now on to the important stuff..... summer. Could it be any hotter? Not even a stinking breeze here in KC. The girls had a brief visit with Hal's parents. They both drove off to Minnesota for what was supposed to be a week but ended up to be four days. This was Zoe's first time and we were really surprised and very proud that she even got in the car. Ahh, the memories that form in us at that age....... they were very busy and had some really great experiences. Thanks Hardy and Judith, your the best.
Not much for plans for us, pretty much a day to day thing around here. Perhaps we'll get the energy to plan a small trip close to home or perhaps just set up camp in the backyard. Another advantage to living life as it comes, because sometime it comes at you fast!
Big love to housecleaning fairies who arrive on my doorstep with their swifters in one hand and tidy bowl in the other. I love it when you just zip in and take care of business and most of all to see your lovely faces. Thank you your beautiful! And the meals are incredible and so needed and devoured, thank you a hundred times over and then again. I know we say it all the time but you guys rock and impress the heck out of us. I know everyone wants to know what they can do. Believe me you are doing it. I feel your love and prayers and I cherish them. Don't hesitate to call. I won't pick up the phone if I am not feeling up to it. And please don't just pray for me and my family. Remember all of those around you whom you haven't got a clue as to what they are going through. They just don't blog about it.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Not The News We Were Hoping For
The scans show enlarged areas back in my sternum and liver. The last chemo did not work and now it is on to something else. While Hal and I waited in the exam room I told him that I was not doing any more chemo. That my quality of life sucked and that it is not fair to Zoe and Grace that their mom is always too tired to do this or that and that they have to suffer because of this. That we would find a different way to attack. But the minute Dr. Fabian walked in the room it was yes maam! And don't you think I got a snicker from Hal. The lady is a guru in cancer research and I have to believe that she is not just pulling things out of a hat to try. But I also know that there is something else out there so if you have any suggestions please do share.
The new plan is new chemo but in pill form. I take three pills everyday and then a liquid that has to be put in Kool Aid and another 10 pills every two weeks. I have a whole schedule to follow.
My vocal cord surgery was uneventful. While my voice is still a bit scratchy I can tell a difference in my swallowing. The cough did not go away and they will put me on some inhalers and steroids to open my bronchi up to see if that helps but not till my vocal cord heals.
The girls are great and so understanding. I guess we don't give our kids enough credit for handling hard times. I catch them praying for me alot and asking God to help all people who are suffering. We have learned that in order for our suffering to lessen we pray for others who have hardships, even worst hardships then ourselves. Try it sometime. It can lift your spirits to a new high.
For now please continue to pray, spread my story all over the place because I think God will send us a cure. Love one another and kiss your kids today!
The new plan is new chemo but in pill form. I take three pills everyday and then a liquid that has to be put in Kool Aid and another 10 pills every two weeks. I have a whole schedule to follow.
My vocal cord surgery was uneventful. While my voice is still a bit scratchy I can tell a difference in my swallowing. The cough did not go away and they will put me on some inhalers and steroids to open my bronchi up to see if that helps but not till my vocal cord heals.
The girls are great and so understanding. I guess we don't give our kids enough credit for handling hard times. I catch them praying for me alot and asking God to help all people who are suffering. We have learned that in order for our suffering to lessen we pray for others who have hardships, even worst hardships then ourselves. Try it sometime. It can lift your spirits to a new high.
For now please continue to pray, spread my story all over the place because I think God will send us a cure. Love one another and kiss your kids today!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Schools Out For Summer
The girls are out of school and here we sit looking at each other wondering what to do. A list needs to be made of all the things they want to do that don't require money and not much energy on my part. It has been five weeks since my last chemo as my doctor let me skip the last one so that we can get my vocal cord taken care of. My ENT checked it again and found that it is still paralyzed and if it was going to come back on it's own it would have done so by now. So I am scheduled for surgery this Friday. I then have a PET and CT scan on June 1 and will return to my doctor on June 3rd for results. Please pray that my scans are clear so that I will be able to take a break from chemo and enjoy the summer with the girls. We are easing into summer by sleeping in and not making any plans. We would like to take a trip up to Minneapolis to visit with Hal's family and Grace always spends a week with Hal's parents. Zoe is thinking she may join her sister this year which would be great as it makes such great memories for them.
My days are up and down, I am still really tired and hope that each day will bring me closer to the old me. Sometimes I feel the cancer has taken away my character, that my lack of spunk has left me changed. This is a good thing I guess but I wish I could do the things that I have learned since my diagnosis. I wish I could help people. Now more than ever do I know how important it is to help our brothers and sisters in need. For now I accept the help but I pray that God gives me the chance to pay it forward.
As I said before, please pray for good results on my scans and a speedy recovery from my surgery. Have a great rest of the week and remember to spread the love.
My days are up and down, I am still really tired and hope that each day will bring me closer to the old me. Sometimes I feel the cancer has taken away my character, that my lack of spunk has left me changed. This is a good thing I guess but I wish I could do the things that I have learned since my diagnosis. I wish I could help people. Now more than ever do I know how important it is to help our brothers and sisters in need. For now I accept the help but I pray that God gives me the chance to pay it forward.
As I said before, please pray for good results on my scans and a speedy recovery from my surgery. Have a great rest of the week and remember to spread the love.
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