Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I am not going to sugar coat today BUT i AM GOING TO LET IT ALL OUT..... okay, I didn't even mean to use all caps there it just happened and quite frankly it gets my frustration out even more! My cough is still around and my chest hurts. In addition I now have sort of a weird thing with my esophagus where it hurts to eat or drink the tiniest of anything. when you prevent me from eating and drinking that's it... just shoot me. I really do feel like I am a hypochondriac and that if I can just suffer through the fatigue of chemo my life would be golden. I even screamed at God today and really let him have it. I can't say it made me feel any better, actually a bit worse by being so disrespectful. Anyhow, as I sat here wallowing in pity for myself just wondering what God's plan is for me, how much more? I read today's first reading........

My son, when you come to serve the LORD,stand in justice and fear,prepare yourself for trials.Be sincere of heart and steadfast,incline your ear and receive the word of understanding,undisturbed in time of adversity.Wait on God, with patience, cling to him, forsake him not;thus will you be wise in all your ways.Accept whatever befalls you,when sorrowful, be steadfast,and in crushing misfortune be patient;For in fire gold and silver are tested,and worthy people in the crucible of humiliation.Trust God and God will help you;trust in him, and he will direct your way;keep his fear and grow old therein.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

You Can Pray For Me Anytime~

After my initial meeting with my doctor yesterday and repeating the CT, it turns out that there is NO cancer in my lungs after all!!!!! lots of questions as to why but I will take it as another positive reason for massive prayers from all of you. This however did not prevent me from starting chemo yesterday. All along I have had a couple of spots on my liver that have never changed but have now grown slightly in size. As I said, I did start treatment yesterday which is the same regimen I did last time. The chemo is called Abraxane and Avastin for you research gurus. There is no end date but I will receive it every 2 weeks and probably reevaluate with more scans after 6-8 weeks to see if it's killing the little boogers.
For now I still have a cough and shortness of breath most likely due to my paralyzed vocal cord I suffered from radiation back in December. My follow up with the ENT confirmed that the cord is still paralyzed and it is just a wait and see if it will come back on it's own (which will be in three months) or to permanently fix it with surgery.
You know looking back at typing all of this I sound fairly unhealthy. I guess that I am perhaps a bit physically, but spiritually and mentally and emotionally I feel good. All along this journey I continue to look for the good (not to say I don't have really sucky days) but my life must be about being the best that I can be. Even though my best could be better, God gave us this gift to use at all times, in all ways, for all people. Make sure you be the best you can be today!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Good News And Bad news

Well the good news is that the CT showed the nodes in my neck to be all resolved. The bad news is that the cancer has now progressed into my right lung. we had been treating my cough and shortness of breath as pneumonia for the past three weeks but the CT shows otherwise. I do not know a whole lot as my doctor has been out of town. What I do know is that I will start on chemotherapy tomorrow morning following a meeting with my doctor to go over the results and a descriptive plan of action. This is all I know for now. I will update with more later.
Please continue to pray more.......