Sunday, July 19, 2009

God Is Kind And Merciful

My days continue to be filled with strength and energy. I had chemo last Wednesday and was at the Zoo on Thursday. Friday and Saturday I could feel a bit of slow down but able to still keep on my feet and enjoy this beautiful weather we have been having. Each morning i get up I about cry thanking God for this day and every day there after. I know that it is his loving mercy that is bringing me this zest. Also to do with this is of course is your loving prayers, countless selfless acts of mercy like selling cupcakes and salsa, asking the local nail place to contribute proceeds to our family, setting up a trust to help pay for our medical bills, taking me to Mi Ranchito and getting me caught up on your lives, clipping thorns off our trees, hanging prayer flags in our back yard, and getting me to let go of items that remind me of my brokenness and replacing them with a big fat bunny that reminds me that I am full of life and hope. (Debbie and Nancy you get that one) My friends and faith community have shown me their faith by carrying me along the way. I can't help but think of the Gospel reading where four men carried a paralytic up to the roof and dropped him into the place where Jesus was. They had such faith in Jesus to heal him. You too have faith and it emits throughout our community and to many many other people else where. I feel as though it is my responsibility to speak out about what i have learned in my journey, and that is to show people to Christ. I know to lots of you I got a rolling of the eyes and that is okay. I used to do the same. Ask him to come into your heart and he will be right there beaming at you asking "what took you so long? Let's talk".
All of these things just show us how God is truly present in all of us. As Hal said this morning...
"Sometimes He can be such a show off!" Thank you all of you. We love you so very much and just can't say it enough.

As I said, I had chemo last Wednesday and then again tomorrow with the following week off. My doctor had little to say except my liver enzyme counts were down which is good and that we would keep up with this plan for a while and that I was looking so much better. She doesn't want to see me for another three weeks which is a huge deal because I think I have seen her every week for the past seven months. That to me is progress. I see the ENT the first of August as my voice has still not come back form the vocal cord surgery. Supposedly it was not as easy as just fixing it, the chemo along with the cancer in the bronchi is also irritating something and we now have to look deeper and work harder at bringing my voice back. It has been really annoying as no one can hear me and repeating myself just puts added stress on my voice so most of the time I say not everything that needs to be said which is probably a good thing.
Next week the family is headed to Grand Lake in Oklahoma. Our friends the Martens have lent us their timeshare there for a few days. No plans but togetherness, swimming and more togetherness. I really cannot tell you how enough how grateful and good I feel. The past seven months have been grueling and to the point that I thought that this was the way it was going to be from here on out. Many a days would I sit and beg for God's mercy if I could just enjoy my life that I have left, how it would be full of his goodness and beauty. He has blessed me with just that and I don't care if this cancer has spread throughout my body, I have been given my life back, perhaps for just a little while, that doesn't matter. I intend to live and give and to love. I intend to become the person he created me to be. I intend to be a better christian, wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. My illness along with my faith has led me to see things in relation to God's plan for my salvation and the salvation of others.
Prove me, O Lord, and try me;
test my heart and mind.
For your steadfast love
is before my eyes
and I walk in faithfulness to you
PSALM 26:2-3


Kelly said...

Oh, Ann...thank you for being you!!! I can hear the joy in your blog and it brings happiness to my heart. We'll keep the Omaha prayers coming:-)

Anonymous said...

You are a true inspiration and I admire you and all that you do. ~Anna

Dawnie said...

Hi Ann...My name is Dawnie. I read about your blog over at Dine & Dish. So I thought I'd stop by and take a peek. I hope you don't mind. Your story has both humbled and helped me. I think you are already "paying it forward". No matter what each day are living them with grace. I don't know if I could. But your words encourage me to try. Thank you Ann...bless you and yours.

Sallie said...

Ann: I too saw a reference to your blog at Dine and Dish. I am so glad I clicked over. I have read every word n every page. You are such an inspiration. I have shared your blog with a dear friend who is battling cancer. You have lifted his spirits with your no holds barred sharing. You have no idea what you have done to help him. God Bless you and your precious family.