Friday, June 26, 2009

I'll Just Lay Here Another Minute

Since my last post things have changed yet again. Another CT scan has shown more progression in my liver and now in the bronchi of my chest. New plan of attack is back to IV chemo and lots of it. This all started this past Wednesday and I will have chemo again next Wednesday and then the following week off. We are all pretty numb but back on the path of let's get it done and get on with it. I know in my last blog I sounded like I was giving up and wanted to crawl in a hole, well I did but that's not going to do us any good so whatever it takes, I will take it on. The picture to the right sums up how I feel these days. Like I could get up at any time but I prefer to lay here a bit longer. Thanks Gracie for letting me play with your webkinz!

My health has not been good as I have had a lot of pain from the coughing and lots of nausea from all the meds I take. It has been hard to get out of bed most mornings but I do and the day always gives me another reason to beat this. God graced me with the gift of faith which I admit has been shaken and stirred lately. But I have also been graced with a chance to see life from a different window, almost watching and observing instead of fully participating. Most times I find it to be annoying because I like to be in the middle of things, always knowing what's going on, but this is a way for me to also get through my suffering. Instead of constantly being in it right here right now, I must find a way to look through it and beyond it.

Okay, now on to the important stuff..... summer. Could it be any hotter? Not even a stinking breeze here in KC. The girls had a brief visit with Hal's parents. They both drove off to Minnesota for what was supposed to be a week but ended up to be four days. This was Zoe's first time and we were really surprised and very proud that she even got in the car. Ahh, the memories that form in us at that age....... they were very busy and had some really great experiences. Thanks Hardy and Judith, your the best.

Not much for plans for us, pretty much a day to day thing around here. Perhaps we'll get the energy to plan a small trip close to home or perhaps just set up camp in the backyard. Another advantage to living life as it comes, because sometime it comes at you fast!

Big love to housecleaning fairies who arrive on my doorstep with their swifters in one hand and tidy bowl in the other. I love it when you just zip in and take care of business and most of all to see your lovely faces. Thank you your beautiful! And the meals are incredible and so needed and devoured, thank you a hundred times over and then again. I know we say it all the time but you guys rock and impress the heck out of us. I know everyone wants to know what they can do. Believe me you are doing it. I feel your love and prayers and I cherish them. Don't hesitate to call. I won't pick up the phone if I am not feeling up to it. And please don't just pray for me and my family. Remember all of those around you whom you haven't got a clue as to what they are going through. They just don't blog about it.

7 comments:

Kelly said...

Ann,
Big prayers still being sent your way from Omaha! Can you believe I'll have been living here a year in July. Thanks to you and our beyond special MOMS group, I have spent the last year home with my kiddos and spending more time with our whole family. Thank you, Thank you!!! I'm glad you are feeling all the prayers said for you and your family.
Much love and God bless,
Kelly Barkmeier

heather morrow said...

Ann, you always amaze me with your strength, your faith and your incredible attitude. Please know that my family is thinking of and praying for you and yours. Much love! Heather

Lynne said...

Hugs & kisses coming your way Ann - and plenty of prayers!! Love ya, Lynne

Anonymous said...

Ann & family,

Just know that I think of you often and keep you in my prayers. Your strength & faith inspire me. Stay strong.....as Dalton would say, "you just gotta' keep on keepin' on!"

Jennifer Peavler

Anonymous said...

Annie Banani :)

All of your family here on the East Coast want you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers often. We have been keeping up with your posts and are truly amazed at your strength and positive attitude...Keep it up! It sounds like you have surrounded youself with a wonderful bunch of friends...so very important. Glad they are taking such good care of you. Wish we were closer so we could help also.
Lots of love to you, Hal, Zoe & Grace,

Sue Gareri

CChriste said...

Ann, I had a dream about you very early this morning (I know it was morning because I heard Brian up and about and then drifted back off to dreamland -- it was at this time that you were the forefront of the dream).

In the dream, I got a phone call from you. You sounded wonderful and wanted to share the good news, that you were back to work, in great health and that all was well. I was so happy - I thanked God for answering my prayers and the prayers of everyone else. I told you how God worked within you and you within the rest of us. It was so vivid that I woke up talking -- part of me still being in the dream and the rest waking up. The only words I realized that I uttered were "that is so wonderful, I prayed to God for you". I don't know that this dream meant anything really as there were other strange things included such as painting my new house (which I am NOT going to do) and my friend Lynn having her baby (which she IS going to do on Monday).

I will always continue to pray for you and for others. I ask Him every day what he wants for me to do for Him and try to do right by it. But I work one day at a time most days only because if I look into the future too far, it can be overwhelming. As your friend Jennifer said, You gotta keep on keepin on.

I am praying that I can get up there soon to see you. Only a few days but enough. I miss you and love you. My best to Hal, Zoe and Grace.

Janice said...

Hi from Texas! You are such a brave person, I admire your courage! I have a sister who has recovered from breast cancer and a sister who has recovered from lung cancer. They both had chemo, so I know what you have been going through. I know that God answers or prayers, I will pray for you. Your friend in Christ Janice