You Can Pray For Me Anytime~

After my initial meeting with my doctor yesterday and repeating the CT, it turns out that there is NO cancer in my lungs after all!!!!! lots of questions as to why but I will take it as another positive reason for massive prayers from all of you. This however did not prevent me from starting chemo yesterday. All along I have had a couple of spots on my liver that have never changed but have now grown slightly in size. As I said, I did start treatment yesterday which is the same regimen I did last time. The chemo is called Abraxane and Avastin for you research gurus. There is no end date but I will receive it every 2 weeks and probably reevaluate with more scans after 6-8 weeks to see if it's killing the little boogers.
For now I still have a cough and shortness of breath most likely due to my paralyzed vocal cord I suffered from radiation back in December. My follow up with the ENT confirmed that the cord is still paralyzed and it is just a wait and see if it will come back on it's own (which will be in three months) or to permanently fix it with surgery.
You know looking back at typing all of this I sound fairly unhealthy. I guess that I am perhaps a bit physically, but spiritually and mentally and emotionally I feel good. All along this journey I continue to look for the good (not to say I don't have really sucky days) but my life must be about being the best that I can be. Even though my best could be better, God gave us this gift to use at all times, in all ways, for all people. Make sure you be the best you can be today!

Good News And Bad news

Well the good news is that the CT showed the nodes in my neck to be all resolved. The bad news is that the cancer has now progressed into my right lung. we had been treating my cough and shortness of breath as pneumonia for the past three weeks but the CT shows otherwise. I do not know a whole lot as my doctor has been out of town. What I do know is that I will start on chemotherapy tomorrow morning following a meeting with my doctor to go over the results and a descriptive plan of action. This is all I know for now. I will update with more later.
Please continue to pray more.......
Ann

Yesterday was a follow up with my oncologist to check on how I was doing after radiation and to formulate a plan for what to do next. Thankfully she is giving me a break and letting me recuperate from the radiation treatments. The radiation continues to break down the DNA of the cancer cells for another few weeks and I just started taking my new drugs. Did I tell you that the new drugs are testosterone? Side affects include facial hair and a deepening in the voice. As long as I don't grow anything else I am okay with taking it. We should see results of that within six weeks. A CT of my chest and neck is scheduled for Feb.11th so other than my Boniva (bone hardening drug, yes the one that Sally Field takes) next Tuesday, I am on a cancer hiatus.
I am slowly getting my energy back and doing all of the things I did before except working out. I just haven't had the mind set for that just yet. I have been studying up on breast cancer and nutrition though. I figure we are doing everything medically possible and even that is just treating it and killing it but not making it go away for good. It's my turn to do everything possible to combat these nasty boogers. So of course every book is different but the main culprits seem to be sugar meat and dairy. What else is there left to eat? Actually it hasn't been terribly hard and the girls and I talked about nutrition and how the family needs to make some changes. After reading some books, I have become concerned for their well being as well. Let's face it. Our kids eat crap. Zoe even took a piece of broccoli off my plate and ate it. There is hope after all.
God has been speaking to me through the daily gospel these days and lately I have been asking Him to heal me and cleanse me from this cancer. Before it was always help me with my suffering and praying for peace and comfort but He says that whatever we should ask for we will receive. Today's gospel speaks of a leper being cleansed and while I know that this refers to sinfullness and repentance and how just by asking to be forgiven that he forgives but I can't not think that leprosy is like my cancer in that by asking him to rid me of this that he will.

Mark 40-45
40 And a leper came to him beseeching him, and kneeling said to him, "If you will, you can make me clean."
41 Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, "I will; be clean." but go, show yourself to the priest, and offer for your cleansing what Moses commanded, for a proof to the people."

And I have told him that if I am made clean that I will do his will. I will scream on the roof tops as "proof to the people" who God is and how he saves us all. I have said before how blessed I am to have this cancer that it has changed me and Hal for so much good and better. This is how it is for all of us and our crosses. If not for these crosses then we would never get to know who we really are nor who God is. We would never know just how strong we are. We would never appreciate the little things in life or grab hold of the important people God has placed in our path.If you are carrying a cross right now, hold on tight and don't let go of it. As you walk, someone will help you along the way and even carry it for you for a little ways. Let them. And remember how Jesus carried his cross for us.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year and happy new voice to me! Yes, my voice is back and I no longer have to feel like the close talker from a Seinfeld episode. The procedure was quick painless and a success. Thank you Dr Garnett for using your gifts that God so graciously gave to you. The collagen that he injected into the vocal cord will last about three months and then we will most likely have to repeat the procedure a second time. Hopefully by that time the vocal cord will come back on it's own, but if not there are other options. Today marks number 13 of my treatments. I am beginning to feel the "burn" and itching like a sunburn. Not too bad though.
My energy level is low but my dehydration is much better and I no longer have the dreadful feeling of a dead animal in my mouth. (sorry but that's what it was like).
My left side of my face still feels a bit droopy and my eyes still a bit unfocused but this will all subside as well as it is just left over symptoms from the pressure I had on the nerve.
After radiation I am taking a break. Like I said earlier, we will try a new drug to stop the growth of the cancer cells and then more scans in a couple of months. The chemotherapy killed all the cancer over the summer. This was a miracle as there was quite a bit of areas to cover and in a short time we killed it! Unfortunately we missed a few or it came back. Regardless...... I have stage IV breast cancer. This will not change, I will be forever fighting this dreadful disease until we find a cure. I ask you to please be uplifted and not so darn mopy when you see me. I am not going anywhere anytime soon people this is just another bump in the road for us. Each day since this began has been such a gift to us. Just marveling in what God gives us makes me giggle. He is so good and merciful!
Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him....He does nothing in vain; He may prolong my life, He may shorten it; He knows what He is about -- St. John Henry Cardinal Newman

Merry Christmas

Hello and Merry Christmas to you all!
I hope you are all still marveling in the joy of the season and I hope you are still in your pajamas like we are. It is a balmy 58 degrees here in Kansas and the girls are itching to get on their new razors that Santa delivered.
Hal and I are happy just sitting and enjoying the time. We received the best present of all on Christmas Eve when I woke up and was feeling better. My balance has improved and I don't find myself puttering around as much. The girls and I made our cutout cookies and lots of good stuff for Christmas breakfast. We also had fun making lots of yummies for our special Christmas dinner at the Book house where we were blessed to meet six young nuns here form France. I cannot begin to tell you the impression they left in my heart with their stories of their travels of evangelizing all over the world. The kids especially enjoyed them so and Zoe was quick to get an interview of each of them. Thanks Mike and Sarah for such a special day!
Well our next step is to get my vocal cord fixed. Once again we are blessed by friends who can help us out quickly. Dr. Garnett who is the guru of voice just so happens to be a friend and has gotten me in so quickly. This Monday at 1:00 he will put me under for a short time and inject my cord with a solution that will temporarily get my voice back and improve my swallowing. This will last about three months and then it will be an ongoing process to get the cord back to normal but he is confident it will come back with time.
I have completed nine rounds of radiation and should be done by Jan 5th.
Thank you everyone who has driven me to and from the hospital countless times in not such great weather and for always offering up your time in any way. My love and whole heart goes out to Hal who has taken care of this family over and over again. I always knew he was a gift to me but these days he my lifeline, my rope and he is forever pulling me back in. Please continue to pray for us, for strength and healing and for you we will continue to pray as well.

Nothing Beats Home

It is so awesome to be home and so comforting to be home with my family. This past week was certainly unexpected and stressful but at the same time gave us some peace and much needed calm to our lives. I am doing well but a bit shaky and uneasy on my feet. I am not sure if it because I have been in bed all week or if it is symptoms from the radiation. Regardless, if you see me lost I know you will all help me find my way back on the right path. I have completed five out of fifteen treatments and should be done by first week in January. I have started on another anti hormonal therapy drug which will be a wait and see if this works kind of thing. I wish I could be more specific with what the plan is but that's the beauty of life, we have no control nor plan, just the peace and trust in God to see us through. I hope you are letting Him see you through your tough days. Not just the trying to catch up with presents and Christmas cards, but the hard times,the crosses that we all bare and are sometimes just too busy to see. Take the time to listen to what you most need right now. I dare you to sit down and look out your window at the beautiful arrangement God has put before you today. Give your crosses to Him and begin a new day!
I can't tell you how overjoyed I was at being able to attend the girl's Christmas show last night.They were so excited and so beautiful and so darn grown up. It was also so nice to see alot of you and be enveloped with so much love and warmth. Thank you over again!

Home Sweet Home

Hi everyone -- Hal again....

Through the many caring hands God provided over the past days, Ann was well enough to come home tonight! The family was able to sit down together for dinner provided by friends and light the candles on the Advent wreath as we talked about the day's events. I commented that I thought our family had received an early Christmas gift -- Ann coming home. And, that it was about the best gift we could receive. It was then that Grace piped up and said "Except for Jesus being born"...Ann and I smiled and cherished the moment.

So, I type this message of praise and thanks to all who helped us thus far through this journey. There remains 11 additional radiation treatments, recuperation from being in the hospital and whatever else lies ahead but we know that God works all things to good if we cooperate in His plan with each other. It is really an amazing thing to watch God at work through each of you -- please know that you are remembered in our prayers each day.

This was likely my last ghost writing session as I expect Ann to take back over this blog tomorrow and beyond -- this is good news as her humor is much better than mine.

May God bless you.