As tears run down my face from reading Hal's beautiful writing, I ask God why. Why can't he just take it all away? why can't he just heal me? Why can't I just go back to the way things were? Why do my girls have to ask me every day how I am feeling? Why can't I be like other moms who do such a good job at taking care of their families? Why does Hal have to work so hard?
But I also give thanks. Thanks for the great time I shared with Grace and her daisy troop to Omaha. It was so much fun and such a wonderful time spent with Grace and her friends. I hope she always remembers that trip we took together. I am thankful for all the people who continue to help our family and are always there for us at a moments notice. And I am most especially thankful for Hal. What can I say about him? He gives me peace and has always placed us as priority. His love and devotion is true and intense and he puts up with my frustration and grumpiness and still loves me. His life is dedicated to us and I just wish that he could get a break, I wish there was something I could do for him to take him away from his daily grind. When I mention this to him he just smiles and says there is nowhere else he would rather be and then rattles off all the things he is grateful for. How blessed I am to have such a man!
Anyhow, Hal posted the latest on my results. I am down and frustrated and really wanted a break. It has been almost three years since I was diagnosed and I am just down and out tired. Today I asked God to either let me stay to or take me now. I can't do this much longer. I want to be the mom wife and friend I used to be. I miss the old me as do most of you I assume.
Thanks for letting me vent and feel sorry for myself.