Better Days

I decided to post a few older pictures of the family. The second picture was taken by my good friend Kathy Minor at minorimages.com (check out her website). It was taken just a few weeks after we got the diagnosis. I was beaming because I was with my favorite people on a beautiful fall day and with them by my side I could do anything.
Every day is a bit better it seems. The last two rounds of chemo did not leave me on the couch nor in bed. As a matter of fact I have felt really good and even able to keep up with the girls and everything they want to do. We even got away for a couple of days to our friend's lake house and so enjoyed time together. It was a time where we felt the true presesence of Jesus, surrounded by love and pure joy. This is really exciting and such a prayer answered as I was almost to the point of this is just how it is going to be from here on. So thank you for praying for me and my needs. I am off this week from any doctor appointments yippee! My echo of my heart showed that I had full pumping ability and my blood pressure is totally stable off of all the BP meds so they freed me from their care. One less doctor for me!
I assume I will be on this chemo for some time and will have more scans in a month or so to see if things are shrinking. We feel very positive about this treatment and know that this is what will diminish the cancer and get me to the point where we can treat it as any other chronic disease. Thank you all for sending me info on beating this cancer. I am sorting through it all and starting some alternative treatments. Slowly I am incorporarting a new eating style and will start seeing a professional who can tell me what nutrients my body is lacking and what foods I should stay away from.
THe girls are great. Gracie is off on her second adventure to Minnesota. She took off with Aunt Susie yesterday and is having a great time seeing Minneapolis this time and spending time with her cousin Isabella. Zoe starts her first camping adventure with her brownie troop today. She will spend the next four days there but come home in the evenings. She's super excited!
Thank you Nancy for sending me some clothes for the webkinz!
Continue to pray for us! We love you.

I'll Just Lay Here Another Minute

Since my last post things have changed yet again. Another CT scan has shown more progression in my liver and now in the bronchi of my chest. New plan of attack is back to IV chemo and lots of it. This all started this past Wednesday and I will have chemo again next Wednesday and then the following week off. We are all pretty numb but back on the path of let's get it done and get on with it. I know in my last blog I sounded like I was giving up and wanted to crawl in a hole, well I did but that's not going to do us any good so whatever it takes, I will take it on. The picture to the right sums up how I feel these days. Like I could get up at any time but I prefer to lay here a bit longer. Thanks Gracie for letting me play with your webkinz!

My health has not been good as I have had a lot of pain from the coughing and lots of nausea from all the meds I take. It has been hard to get out of bed most mornings but I do and the day always gives me another reason to beat this. God graced me with the gift of faith which I admit has been shaken and stirred lately. But I have also been graced with a chance to see life from a different window, almost watching and observing instead of fully participating. Most times I find it to be annoying because I like to be in the middle of things, always knowing what's going on, but this is a way for me to also get through my suffering. Instead of constantly being in it right here right now, I must find a way to look through it and beyond it.

Okay, now on to the important stuff..... summer. Could it be any hotter? Not even a stinking breeze here in KC. The girls had a brief visit with Hal's parents. They both drove off to Minnesota for what was supposed to be a week but ended up to be four days. This was Zoe's first time and we were really surprised and very proud that she even got in the car. Ahh, the memories that form in us at that age....... they were very busy and had some really great experiences. Thanks Hardy and Judith, your the best.

Not much for plans for us, pretty much a day to day thing around here. Perhaps we'll get the energy to plan a small trip close to home or perhaps just set up camp in the backyard. Another advantage to living life as it comes, because sometime it comes at you fast!

Big love to housecleaning fairies who arrive on my doorstep with their swifters in one hand and tidy bowl in the other. I love it when you just zip in and take care of business and most of all to see your lovely faces. Thank you your beautiful! And the meals are incredible and so needed and devoured, thank you a hundred times over and then again. I know we say it all the time but you guys rock and impress the heck out of us. I know everyone wants to know what they can do. Believe me you are doing it. I feel your love and prayers and I cherish them. Don't hesitate to call. I won't pick up the phone if I am not feeling up to it. And please don't just pray for me and my family. Remember all of those around you whom you haven't got a clue as to what they are going through. They just don't blog about it.

Not The News We Were Hoping For

The scans show enlarged areas back in my sternum and liver. The last chemo did not work and now it is on to something else. While Hal and I waited in the exam room I told him that I was not doing any more chemo. That my quality of life sucked and that it is not fair to Zoe and Grace that their mom is always too tired to do this or that and that they have to suffer because of this. That we would find a different way to attack. But the minute Dr. Fabian walked in the room it was yes maam! And don't you think I got a snicker from Hal. The lady is a guru in cancer research and I have to believe that she is not just pulling things out of a hat to try. But I also know that there is something else out there so if you have any suggestions please do share.
The new plan is new chemo but in pill form. I take three pills everyday and then a liquid that has to be put in Kool Aid and another 10 pills every two weeks. I have a whole schedule to follow.
My vocal cord surgery was uneventful. While my voice is still a bit scratchy I can tell a difference in my swallowing. The cough did not go away and they will put me on some inhalers and steroids to open my bronchi up to see if that helps but not till my vocal cord heals.
The girls are great and so understanding. I guess we don't give our kids enough credit for handling hard times. I catch them praying for me alot and asking God to help all people who are suffering. We have learned that in order for our suffering to lessen we pray for others who have hardships, even worst hardships then ourselves. Try it sometime. It can lift your spirits to a new high.
For now please continue to pray, spread my story all over the place because I think God will send us a cure. Love one another and kiss your kids today!

Schools Out For Summer

The girls are out of school and here we sit looking at each other wondering what to do. A list needs to be made of all the things they want to do that don't require money and not much energy on my part. It has been five weeks since my last chemo as my doctor let me skip the last one so that we can get my vocal cord taken care of. My ENT checked it again and found that it is still paralyzed and if it was going to come back on it's own it would have done so by now. So I am scheduled for surgery this Friday. I then have a PET and CT scan on June 1 and will return to my doctor on June 3rd for results. Please pray that my scans are clear so that I will be able to take a break from chemo and enjoy the summer with the girls. We are easing into summer by sleeping in and not making any plans. We would like to take a trip up to Minneapolis to visit with Hal's family and Grace always spends a week with Hal's parents. Zoe is thinking she may join her sister this year which would be great as it makes such great memories for them.
My days are up and down, I am still really tired and hope that each day will bring me closer to the old me. Sometimes I feel the cancer has taken away my character, that my lack of spunk has left me changed. This is a good thing I guess but I wish I could do the things that I have learned since my diagnosis. I wish I could help people. Now more than ever do I know how important it is to help our brothers and sisters in need. For now I accept the help but I pray that God gives me the chance to pay it forward.
As I said before, please pray for good results on my scans and a speedy recovery from my surgery. Have a great rest of the week and remember to spread the love.

Doing Well

Last Wednesday I changed chemo again and I must say that it wasn't that bad. I am now on Doxil which is actually a chemo for ovarian cancer. My prayers were for strength as the timing was not great since we had Zoe's first communion this past Saturday. God is good because I felt great and really enjoyed the incredible weekend. It was such an emotional day witnessing not only Zoe but all of her friends receiving the Eucharist for the first time. Those little people are just so stinking cute! We had a house full afterwards and it just was an awesome day. Thanks to Hal's parents and sister Amy along with my mom and brother Tim for coming and making it even more special. You can check out my little darling on You Tube and see what a bang up job she did at singing the psalm. It was quite the honor for her to be asked and it was quite the honor for us to witness. I am just so moved every time she gets up and shares the gift that God has graced her with.
I am just laying low right now and following directions. My BP is still running a bit high and so I am back and forth seeing the cardiologist as we adjust meds. I actually took a walk this afternoon which felt really good as I haven't exercised at all and have noticed my muscle mass is depleting.
I am not sure how much more chemo I will have but hope we soon can take a break. Hal and I would love to take the girls somewhere this summer and create some fun memories.
Much love and huge thanks go out to all of you as you continue to care for the Schierts family. The house cleaning, meals, and little surprises are so generous and thoughtful. We love you all and appreciate you so much.

That's It!

I think I'm allergic to chemo. I have been in bed off and on for a week and that is all I can think of. Everyone else I know who has done chemo always says "Oh, I just felt like I had the flu for a couple of days and then I was fine" or "no big deal" as they continue to work a 40 hour work week! either I am allergic or they are lying!!! Either way, I feel like I just can't continue to do this. Today is a better day, a good day Good Friday! Lent is a time for us to reflect on the suffering of Jesus which my suffering can no where near compare to His, but I can reflect a lot more and it has been difficult. I have caught myself saying "but at least you knew when your suffering would end, and yours only lasted a few days (the Passion). Can you believe I would tell Him that? Anyhow, He told me back that He had suffered all of his human life since the day that He was born. He was born into a very poor family where many times they went with out food. During his ministry he was constantly ridiculed and questioned and kicked out of most places he visited. And when he was nailed to the cross, even his friends had abandoned him. Not to mention his physical sufferings on the cross. Okay well he's got that...... So, what I have learned to do is to take up my physical suffering for all of you who are also suffering and unite it to his. He does take a bit from me and I do feel better afterwards. Hal keeps saying that God just isn't done perfecting me yet. I'd be happy with Ann, you're okay, who needs perfection?
Speaking of Hal, can I just tell you what a remarkable man I have been blessed with? He has had more roles put on his shoulders these days. The man is incredible and never stops giving to any of us ever! So the next time you see him make sure you look him in the eye and tell him good job, you rock Hal!
I signed the family up for a support group for families with chronic illnesses. The girls really like it and we are able to learn more about what they are thinking and feeling about mommy's cancer. Zoe came home with a very graphic black and red picture of what my cancer looks like. She really thinks it would look good on one of my photo necklaces. I can see it now...... maybe I can talk her into a self portrait instead. Gracie still keeps the family going by being the clown and keeping everyone laughing. That's it for now. Have a blessed Easter everyone.

I saw Him Today

Today I saw Jesus a couple hundred times. And I was just taking the girls to school. How does that happen you ask? Well the streets were lined with kids and their parents, with grandparents, and babies, even the easter bunny was there. It was a parade of well wishers for me on my way to the doctor to get the results of my latest PET scan. I well up with tears still thinking about it. As Hal drove slowly down the road and as as I looked at each one of you I saw Jesus. I saw the love He has for me through all of you and I saw the love you all have for me through Him. You strenghthen me with your love and comittment to always be there for me and my family and you never cease to amaze me with the way in which you do it. These past few months have been hard ones, ones when I wake up each day and pray that the next day will be better. All of you make my days a bit brighter and you know just how to lighten my load with your never ending desire to help. Thank you so much!
Okay on to the results of my scans. The lesions in my liver have shrunk and no other cancer is seen else where. We have switched to a different type of chemo as the doctor believes that this one is wearing on me and causing other issues that we don't need. Today I started on adriamycin and cytoxin wich is what I took seven years ago when this whole mess began. Hopefully this will be better tolerated and instead of having bad days and worst days there will be some good and even greater days ahead.
My love and thanks to all of you again for the lovely surprise this morning. Everyone should have a parade. It makes you feel so very special and loved. I love you too and thank God for showing me His love through all of you.