I'll Just Lay Here Another Minute

Since my last post things have changed yet again. Another CT scan has shown more progression in my liver and now in the bronchi of my chest. New plan of attack is back to IV chemo and lots of it. This all started this past Wednesday and I will have chemo again next Wednesday and then the following week off. We are all pretty numb but back on the path of let's get it done and get on with it. I know in my last blog I sounded like I was giving up and wanted to crawl in a hole, well I did but that's not going to do us any good so whatever it takes, I will take it on. The picture to the right sums up how I feel these days. Like I could get up at any time but I prefer to lay here a bit longer. Thanks Gracie for letting me play with your webkinz!

My health has not been good as I have had a lot of pain from the coughing and lots of nausea from all the meds I take. It has been hard to get out of bed most mornings but I do and the day always gives me another reason to beat this. God graced me with the gift of faith which I admit has been shaken and stirred lately. But I have also been graced with a chance to see life from a different window, almost watching and observing instead of fully participating. Most times I find it to be annoying because I like to be in the middle of things, always knowing what's going on, but this is a way for me to also get through my suffering. Instead of constantly being in it right here right now, I must find a way to look through it and beyond it.

Okay, now on to the important stuff..... summer. Could it be any hotter? Not even a stinking breeze here in KC. The girls had a brief visit with Hal's parents. They both drove off to Minnesota for what was supposed to be a week but ended up to be four days. This was Zoe's first time and we were really surprised and very proud that she even got in the car. Ahh, the memories that form in us at that age....... they were very busy and had some really great experiences. Thanks Hardy and Judith, your the best.

Not much for plans for us, pretty much a day to day thing around here. Perhaps we'll get the energy to plan a small trip close to home or perhaps just set up camp in the backyard. Another advantage to living life as it comes, because sometime it comes at you fast!

Big love to housecleaning fairies who arrive on my doorstep with their swifters in one hand and tidy bowl in the other. I love it when you just zip in and take care of business and most of all to see your lovely faces. Thank you your beautiful! And the meals are incredible and so needed and devoured, thank you a hundred times over and then again. I know we say it all the time but you guys rock and impress the heck out of us. I know everyone wants to know what they can do. Believe me you are doing it. I feel your love and prayers and I cherish them. Don't hesitate to call. I won't pick up the phone if I am not feeling up to it. And please don't just pray for me and my family. Remember all of those around you whom you haven't got a clue as to what they are going through. They just don't blog about it.

Not The News We Were Hoping For

The scans show enlarged areas back in my sternum and liver. The last chemo did not work and now it is on to something else. While Hal and I waited in the exam room I told him that I was not doing any more chemo. That my quality of life sucked and that it is not fair to Zoe and Grace that their mom is always too tired to do this or that and that they have to suffer because of this. That we would find a different way to attack. But the minute Dr. Fabian walked in the room it was yes maam! And don't you think I got a snicker from Hal. The lady is a guru in cancer research and I have to believe that she is not just pulling things out of a hat to try. But I also know that there is something else out there so if you have any suggestions please do share.
The new plan is new chemo but in pill form. I take three pills everyday and then a liquid that has to be put in Kool Aid and another 10 pills every two weeks. I have a whole schedule to follow.
My vocal cord surgery was uneventful. While my voice is still a bit scratchy I can tell a difference in my swallowing. The cough did not go away and they will put me on some inhalers and steroids to open my bronchi up to see if that helps but not till my vocal cord heals.
The girls are great and so understanding. I guess we don't give our kids enough credit for handling hard times. I catch them praying for me alot and asking God to help all people who are suffering. We have learned that in order for our suffering to lessen we pray for others who have hardships, even worst hardships then ourselves. Try it sometime. It can lift your spirits to a new high.
For now please continue to pray, spread my story all over the place because I think God will send us a cure. Love one another and kiss your kids today!